Recently, I’ve found myself wandering back to my first love: reading. Just in time, Rupi Kaur’s most popular book Milk and Honey found its way onto my wish list. Once I picked it up, I couldn’t find the willpower to put it down. She put her heart and soul into this book and it was everything that I needed to understand my own life and what circumstances had an impact on me even if I didn’t realize it at first. What I loved most was her genuineness while she let us into the most vulnerable parts of her life; especially because that’s what I’m working on right now. Transparency. There is no better way to heal than learning to be unashamed by walking in your truth with your head held high.
The best way to go about giving you my deepest insight on Milk and Honey is to break it down by the parts created by Kaur. The four parts are as listed: The Hurting, The Loving, The Breaking, and The Healing.
- The Hurting was relatable for me in more aspects than none. I’m fortunate to say that I had great parents but, that doesn’t mean that I never experienced pain. Growing up, I was always taught in school that one out of every four girls in the classroom will be or already have been sexually assaulted. I was one of those girls. I was always taught in school that most sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knows. I’d say I knew my cousin pretty well, or at least I thought I did. It took me sixteen years to see that a lot of my distrust and distaste for most men stemmed from that exact experience. At the young age of seven, the one thing that was supposed to be in my control, my virginity, was taken away from me. Although we may think that time heals, it doesn’t; unless you put in the work along with it. I never did. I persuaded myself to believe that if I just forgot about it and lived normally then it would all go away. It never did. I carried it with me until age twenty-three. Reading Milk and Honey gave me the courage to admit that that moment, sixteen years ago, changed me. This is the first time I’m speaking of it.
- The Loving was my life three years ago. Love is blind, even when the red flags can be seen a mile away. I thought that I had found the one person who I would be with for the rest of my life. He was my best friend and I couldn’t imagine having happiness without him. Like Rupi Kaur, I had found a source of healing from my past in this one man. Loving someone as strongly as I loved him can be both a blessing and a curse. Reading Milk and Honey gave me this newfound knowledge that while it is okay to love, it is never okay to love to the point where without that other person, no true healing has been done. I’m now learning to love and depend on myself so that I can love without depending on someone else.
- The Breaking was my experience last year. Be patient when it comes to love because all that glitters is not gold. It took three years for me to see that the love I gave was one sided with no intentions of being reciprocated. People are talented at mocking emotions. I thought that I was receiving love in return of the love I gave. Instead, I was looking in a mirror, only being given a reflection of my love. Which is exactly the point that was being made in this chapter. What I did, he did in return. It was never anything original, it was never anything genuine. I was returned exactly what I had given. Reading Milk and Honey made me see that love is not a favor for a favor. It is unconditional, it is original, and it is spontaneous.
- The Healing is my current position. For so long, I was finding solace in others, hoping that they could heal me. No one can heal you except you and that’s a forever life lesson. As I look back at my past and how it has affected certain aspects of my life, it encourages me that much more to continue this journey. Learning to heal myself and love myself has been one of the toughest roads but, an eye-opening one. Reading Milk and Honey taught me how to accept, forgive, love, and to be unashamed. It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Milk and Honey was beyond amazing and I can’t wait to get my hands on Kaur’s second book, The Sun and Her Flowers. I’d recommend this book to women of all ages who have suffered greatly from a lack of love and/or an abundance of love; to women who haven’t yet completed or even started their healing process.