Being single by choice has been one of the greatest decisions I’ve ever made. I used to be one of those people who thought I needed a relationship to be happy; to feel complete. I’ve learned though, that there’s nothing that makes us more complete and happy than learning to love ourselves, by ourselves. Not having that self-love beforehand can make us dependent on our partners and when that relationship doesn’t work out, where does that leave us? Feeling lost, hurting beyond repair and not knowing who we truly are because we’ve always been tied to that special someone. Once I realized this, it’s been easier for me to let go and heal from relationships that didn’t work out the way I imagined they would. However, since my last break up, I decided that being single and staying single would be the most beneficial thing for me. I’m learning more about who I am, what I like and what I expect out of my future relationship, without trying to figure it all out while I’m in one.
First, I’m learning about the woman I’ve become thus far. I’m not the same person that I was five years ago; not even a year ago. As I grow older and make positive changes, my idea of a partner changes as well. Choosing to date someone who matches the old you doesn’t help benefit the new you. If anything, it inhibits your growth as a person and I no longer wish to be held back. I’ve learned that I’m a humble person. I accept myself for who I truly am at this moment in my life, flaws included. I’ve grown out of the partying scene. I don’t feel the need to smoke weed all day, every day and go clubbing every weekend. I’ve learned that as I get older, time isn’t slowing down. So I’ve got to stick to my plans of success to reach my end goal. Knowing these things about myself, I no longer have the desire to date those who don’t have the same mindset as me.
I’m learning more about what I like. Before, being an undergraduate student, everyone lived the same lives. We partied, we drank, we smoked; we lived our lives like there weren’t more important and exciting things in this world. Fast forward to now and those activities don’t appeal to me anymore. I’ll always reminisce on the good times of course, but I’ve moved on to wanting to do more and explore more. Now, I love museums, trying out new restaurants, traveling, art galleries, botanical gardens, hiking new trails, zip-lining; almost anything that I’ve never tried before. There’s a whole world out there, full of new places, new knowledge and new experiences. I no longer have the desire to do the same things every weekend to fill my time.
Lastly, I’m learning about what I expect out of my future relationship. Honestly, I settled for a lot less than what I deserved in my past relationships. Like I said before, that’s what happens when we feel we need a relationship to make us happy and complete. You’ll find yourself tolerating things that you wouldn’t otherwise tolerate, just to say you have someone. That’s not the type of relationship I want. As I matured, I started to recognize my worth and I’d much rather stay single until that special someone comes around and recognizes it too. I spent one night writing down a long list of everything that I wanted in my special someone, but it would take forever and a day to put it into a blog post; so let me sum it up:
1. Character: trustworthy, kind, loving, caring, understanding, funny, mature, ambitious, humble and loyal
2. Mindset: college-educated, hardworking, open-minded, intellectual and willing to grow
3. Emotions: in tune, empathetic, expressive and romantic
4. Spiritual: God-fearing, believes in Jesus, prays often, manifests, meditates and is open to different religious practices
5. Physical: i like what i like
Truth be told, I don’t have a specific physical type; that wasn’t me just trying to be funny. As far as the other aspects of a relationship, those are the things that I’m going to be looking for in my future relationship. Until then, I’m perfectly fine with being single. I have faith that the right man will come along and when he does, it’ll be the right time and I’ll be ready in a way that I was never ready before. I’m a firm believer that we have to heal and learn to love ourselves before we can be in a relationship with anyone. It allows for a clean slate where the past isn’t brought into the present or future. That’s the type of relationship we all deserve.